Office poetry

It’s quite surprising that this page exists.

I for one did not foresee that people would start sending poems about their office when this website was up…

…But they have…

…So here it is: The Office Poetry Page!

Who says work destroys creativity?

This first selection is from Victoria Sinclair:

False smiles

+++

I see them everywhere in the office

Especially at Human Resources

“Hello Sue, how are you?” (beam)

After they have just given you a right ear bashing

two hours earlier

It must be That Course they went on

How come, suddenly so chummy? Well,

I haven’t forgotten what she did to me that morning

Just

don’t expect

a smile from me

———–

Office Desk Move

+++

What is this supposed to achieve?

Can’t be productivity

If that is what they wanted

Theymove me to the desk

Next to my Boss

Where he watches my every move

Constantly telling me how to do my job

(his way is the only way)

Feel like

letting him

get on with it

himself

———–

In trouble for something serious

+++

I was called into the ‘little room’

About a ‘problem’

A serious problem

Life and Death?

No, but very close to that

You have not signed your name on the timesheet

No one told me about a timesheet

I have been away on holiday

Oh I am really sorry, I forgot to send you the email

Well, that wasanother fifteen minutes of

My working time

wasted

———–

Don’t bring your ‘troubles’to work

+++

Sarah, I don’t care if you have just had

some bad news

Don’t expect an ounce of kindness from us

This is such inconvenience

Keep to your targets

Just get on with it

And if you reach them, only then

WillI,‘consider’ letting you

go to hospital

And see your partner who

Just has died two hours ago

And don’t expect a sympathy card

From us either, just be grateful that

you are still employed

Oh, and make the time up

Tomorrow

You can go back to your desk now

———–

Tidy Desk Policy

+++

My deskhasnothing on it now

Gone are my flowers

My photo of my partner

A drawing by my child, that makes me smile

I am here 40 hours a week

And it feels like years

Every moment drags

How can I motivate myself, and be productive

Just, who are these people who

Make up such stupid ideas?

———–

Prison is better than an Office

+++

In a prison,they have outgoing phone calls

and we can’t

In prison,they can speak to their friends,

and we can’t

They can get rid of their stress by doing some exercise

And we can’t

They can take a degree

And we can’t

And the lucky sods will be out in a few years

but we are counting them

At least we have Hope!


————

Christmas Party

+++

The last thing I do is go to the Christmas party;

It is the day when my boss‘finds’ people to sack

It is ‘convenient’ for redundancy

And saves a lot of money

It doesn’t matter if an employee’s day is spoilt

But my boss

usually has a nice day

White Fox General Insurance

——-

I’m going to do a runner

+++

Two days,I’ve been in this tedious office, ‘tis long enough

So, at lunchtime,I’ll go and remove mystuff

When the bosses are having another long lunch and the coast is clear

I’ll be well and truly outta here

But, there’s just one little thing

That supergrass, beside me,would tell the Boss

Everything.


The Office Bully

+++

A whole year went by

when she was nasty to me

She wouldn’t help me with my work

And was very abrupt

And made snide remarks

One day she wanted to thump me

(Her words not mine)

I was in tears such a lot

Took Time off for stress

Each day was hell

I think she was jealous

Because she was old

and I was young

Some kind of chip on her shoulder

Even now I really don’t understand why

Maybe she didn’t like being part of a team

Can’t believe some people

How low they can get

But I kept a diary

Every word I kept

Noting the witnesses

The company denied it at first

But I got the evidence

At last she was told off

Before she did the same to others

Now she is quiet as a mouse

And wouldn’t say boo to a goose

And there’s more good news

She is leaving

And with no job

I wish I had sympathy

But after all the trouble she gave me

I can’t say she will be missed

By …anyone!

2 responses to “Office poetry

  1. Char

    great! funny poems. I’ve been looking for a poem on such a theme as “The Office Bully.” I would love to use it in a speech competition. Could you let me know who the author is?

  2. Anonymous

    The Office bully is awesome- thank you for putting into words my exact thoughts

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