Category Archives: Oral sex

Am I the worst boyfriend in the world?

When Trevor Luxton asked a few fellow employees at Credit Lyonnais the question “Am I the worst boyfriend in the world?” he could hardly have expected that within hours the whole world would be in a position to answer. Thanks to the power of the internet, however, that’s exactly what happened…

The message

Last night I was all geared up for a night in front of the telly watching football, having a ruby and a couple of beers while Jo’s still away. Suddenly I get a text from Laura my mates ex which says I’m coming round because I need to see you. So she comes round and we get chatting about all sorts of stuff and then we start kissing a[nd] fondling (as you do). Then I find my self sitting in the arm chair with a beer in one hand remote in the other, West ham on the box and Laura on her knees sucking my piece……..
Then the phone rings and it’s Jo who was bored at the airport………..

So now I’ve got my beer, Laura sucking and Jo chatting to me on the dog….. When Laura stops sucking looks up at me winks and whispers “say hello to Jo for me” and then gets back to the job in hand……..

Am I the worst boyfriend in the world or what?????

For those unfamiliar with UK slang:

Ruby = Curry
Piece = Male organ
Dog = Phone

This email was sent out on 2 October 2002 to five friends, within hours it had been read by millions, including several managers at Credit Lyonnais who suspended Luxton (with full pay). The unfaithful friend resigned a few weeks later, but fortunately, it did not spell the end of his relationship. His Mum told The Sun newspaper:

“He has just moved in with his fiancée. They are meant to be getting married as soon as they can get the money together. They have bought a house and he’s very worried about the mortgage.”

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Yum-yum

The Claire Swire email.

In the year 2000, Claire Swire became an internet phenomenon, her email to a male acquaintance, Bradley Chait, informing him that his sperm tasted “yum”, reaching millions of email inboxes within hours of its initial sending. Scroll down to see how the story unfolded…

Email one – a little joke

From: Claire Swire
Sent: 07 December 2000 15:53
To: Adrian James (E-mail); Benny Shipley (E-mail); Chait, Bradley; Caroline Scotson (E-mail); Chris May (E-mail); Ellie Thorneycroft (E- mail); Mark de st croix (E-mail); Matt Metos (E-mail); Pete Kenyon (E-mail); Toby Clarke (E-mail)
Subject:

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.

She says “But sir, its just a sperm bank!”

“I don’t care, open it now!!!” he replies.

So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says “Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!”

She looks at him “BUT, they are sperm samples???”

“DO IT!”

So the nurse sucks it back.

“That one there, drink that one as well.”

So the nurse drinks that one as well.

Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, “See honey – its not that hard.”

Email Two – Bradley replies

From: Chait, Bradley [mailto:chaitb@nortonrose.com]
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:06
To: ‘Claire Swire’
Subject: RE:

cute

Email Three – Claire gets intimate

From: Claire Swire
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:07
To: Chait, Bradley
Subject: RE:

lucky I swallow so that wont be happening to me!

Email Four – Bradley likes the sound of this…

From: Chait, Bradley [mailto:chaitb@nortonrose.com]
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:10
To: ‘Claire Swire’
Subject: RE:

Not ALL the time I hope

(or so you would have me believe)

Email Five- The Big One

From: Claire Swire
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:12
To: Chait, Bradley
Subject: RE:

I hadn’t swallowed for years but yours was yum and very good for me too!

Apparently it’s very good conditioner for your hair too…getting a funny picture in my head, giggling out loud and now having to explain to Dave what’s so funny!

Email six. Bradley is pleased. So he decides to tell his friends…

From: Chait, Bradley
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:25
To: Tarbuck, Andrew; Caffarate, Nick; Townsend, Nathan; McDougall, Jamie; Davies, Stuart; Drummond, Edward
Subject: “yours was yum”

now THAT’S a nice compliment from a lass, isn’t it?

Email Seven – infinity. His friends forward on the email. So do their friends and repeat times a million

From: Drummond, Edward
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:28
To: Hames, Joel; Walker, Steven; Murray, Grant; Driver, Robert; Knight, Peter; Ferri, David; Newby, Chris; Moss, Jason
Cc: Banner, Heather; Boxer, Sonya; Williamson, Emma; Falkner, Claire
Subject: FW: “yours was yum”

beggars belief. I feel honour bound to circulate this.

As a result of this infamous exchange, Bradley was disciplined by his superiors at Norton Rose and poor Claire was forced into hiding…

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