Category Archives: Nudity!

Unsuitable attire

Because I’d been away working Africa, I hadn’t had any need for a suit for a very long time. I’d still kept my old one, however, hanging up in a closet back in England… just in case.

I had cause to use it almost as soon as I’d returned when I was lucky enough to be asked to an interview for what I regarded at the time as my dream job.

It was a first thing in the morning affair, and I was feeling pretty pleased with myself for my super-efficient waking and dressing. I’d moved so fast, indeed, that I’d managed to make an earlier train and was happily relaxed in my seat, contemplating a painless journey…

…Until I looked down at my trousers and noticed a few curious looking flecks of pale dust on them.

I flicked at the dust.

It didn’t disappear.

So I brushed at it – hard – with the flat of my hand.

It still didn’t disappear. Indeed, the brushing appeared to have made these curious flecks grow bigger.

Closer inspection revealed that it wasn’t dust on my precious and only suit. There were tiny holes in the material – and the pale patches were, in fact, my own legs. Perplexed, I looked closer and realised, in alarm, that moths had been eating at my trousers and that –to my horror – they’d found the region around the zip particularly tasty. To add to the unfortunate effect, my bright white boxers were shining through for all the world to see.

No matter how far down I pulled my jacket, I just couldn’t cover them.
I don’t know what it was that put the interviewers off. It could have been the fact that I was late, because, yes, in spite of my efforts, my train had conspired to deposit it me fifteen minutes after time. It could have been the fact that I was wearing crotch-less trousers. Or it could have been the nervousness that the knowledge of this fact caused in me.

Anyway, I didn’t get the job.

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Filed under Blogroll, Hired, Nudity!

All Hung Up

Not long after I took up a job in New York I was asked to wine and dine some potential clients and to generally impress them with a night out in the Big Apple. The wining and dining went fine. I was even feeling pretty pleased with myself – and hoping that the clients were pleased with me.

But things took a turn for the very worst when my guests – who were even newer to the metropolis than me – asked me to take them to a club. I knew of only one place – and I only knew of this because I’d been given a flier for it that morning when I was coming out of the subway.

I knew I’d made a mistake when we walked into the club (where there was no queue, which perhaps retrospectively, I should have taken as a bad sign) and there was a faint and very strange tang in the air. I couldn’t make much else out as the room was really dark, which in a sense I considered a blessing since that meant I didn’t have to make eye contact with anyone else.

I realised the true extent of my error when a shot light suddenly shone onto the stage in front of us and I saw a naked 16 stone man being lowered from the ceiling on hooks. There followed some horrible activity with a dwarf which it pains me to remember even now – and a prolonged and quite severe bout vomiting from a seriously unimpressed client. I haven’t been asked to ‘entertain’ since.

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Filed under Blogroll, Nudity!, Party politics, You plonker

Abigail’s (naked) Party

In 1998 Abigail Saxon, a BBC religious programmes producer’s antics at a Christmas Party weren’t just the talk of her office – they earned her a mention in no less an organ thatn The Daily Telegraph. Saxon, who worked on Radio 4’s Sunday Programme was mentioned by name in the august journal, which said she was facing disciplinary action “after running three times around a trendy restaurant bar wearing only her socks.”

She is reported to have twice toured naked around Manchester’s upmarket Barca restaurant during an office Christmas lunch, allegedly for a £100 bet.

She then completed a third turn, with a cry of: “This one is for free!”

Her colleagues were said to be stunned when she accepted the challenge – and no doubt delighted when she dashed off to the lavatory, removed all of her clothes (apart from her socks), stuck one leg out of the door and shouted: “Here I come!”

Apeaking after the event, a BBC spokesperson said: “The BBC would not under any circumstances condone such behaviour.”

Fortunately, Ms Saxon kept her job.

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Filed under Blogroll, Nudity!, office, Party politics

Baring all

Someone from an audio company wrote to me asking if I could “bare” to send him a book written by a client of the literary agency I work for.

I forwarded this message on to a colleague with a note saying I didn’t mind sending him a book but I certainly wasn’t going to bare anything for him. At least I THOUGHT I’d forwarded it to my colleague – I’d actually hit the reply button.

I got back a message saying what a shame, with a smiley face.

Susan

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Filed under Blogroll, hot-mails, Nudity!, replyalloops