Category Archives: Hubris

Impossible is nothing

Getting your CV noticed is half the battle in today’s competitive job market. And so, to a certain extent, Yale student Aleksey Vayner’s decision to include a video presentation with his eleven page application to a New York bank could be seen as inspired. Unfortunately, however, the contents of the video proved him to have the tactical subtlety – not to mention hubris – of the World War one generals who told their men to walk slowly into machine gun fire.

Entitled “Impossible Is Nothing” the video is a seven-minute paean to the sheer awesomeness of Mr Vayner, together with his own philosophical musings on the theory of success – and how he is bound to achieve it.

Following on from a classic opening salvo where Aleksey appears to ask himself a question about how great he is (“Aleksey. You’re known as someone who has studied the principles of personal development for a long time. By allowing yourself to be guide by these principles, you’ve coincidentally become a model of personal development and an inspiration for many around you…”), we’re greeted with the inspiring sight of the young man lifting weights (495lbs if we believe the text on the screen!), serving a tennis ball (at 140mph!), performing a very difficult rotating jump while skiing, and – in an extended sequence – ballroom dancing with a skimpily clad lady, while himself wearing a tight black polo neck.

“‘If you’re going to work, work. If you’re going to train, train. If you’re going to dance, then dance, but do it with passion,” he proclaims before spinning the lucky girl around the room.

Elsewhere he advises his listeners to “Ignore the losers… When people tell you that you won’t be able to achieve something, cross them out of your life, because they’re directly interfering with your success.”

He also explains that “success is a mental phenomenon not a physical one. It must first be conceived internally before it manifests externally.”

So that’s clear.

Finally, wearing a white karate suit, he bows to camera, emits a piercing howl and smashes a pile of bricks with his bare hands. “Impossible is nothing,” he says again as the credits roll, naming him as “Aleksey Vayner, CEO and professional athlete.”

Sadly, for Aleksey, rather than gain him a job, when he submitted the video to financial services firm UBS AG, it instead won him international infamy.

The video quickly became an internet phenomenon as it was forwarded first around Wall Street (with helpful comments like ‘What NOT to do when looking for a banking job,’ ‘This is pure gold,’ and ‘Typical Yalie’) and then around the world.

His 11-page resume, meanwhile, added to his notoriety thanks to his claims that he was the CEO of his own investment firm, that he founded a charity helping young people, and that he could cure people using his knowledge of Chinese medicine.

Web cynics quickly began to claim that his ‘investment firm’ was a fake, and that it plagiarised its mission statement from another firm; that his ‘charity’ Youth Empowerment Strategies seemed strangely similar to an entirely unconnected charity – with exactly the same name; and that his self-published tome about the Holocaust (‘Women’s Silent Tears’) ‘borrowed’ entire sections from an online Holocaust Encyclopaedia.

Also disputed are Vayner’s assertions, printed in the college humour magazine Yale Rumpus, that he was once employed by the CIA and mafia and that he once gave tennis lessons to Harrison Ford.

Watch it on Youtube

And for those of you who weren’t fast enough, don’t have a high enough internet connection, here’s a complete transcript:

Impossible is Nothing


Impossible is nothing

[Voice off camera] Aleksey. You’re known as someone who has studied the principles of personal development for a long time. By allowing yourself to be guide by these principles, you’ve coincidentally become a model of personal development and an inspiration for many around you…

[Camera fades in, Aleksey is sitting, slicked black hair, pursing his lips thoughtfully]

AV: Although success is different to every individual, it’s generally accepted that people are much happier when they grow, develop and are good at what they do.

[Now his name is on the screen in shimmering silver letters]

Interviewer: How does someone like yourself become very proficient in the fields much faster than others?

[cut back to his pensive face]

AV: Well thank you… I guess the first thing that the person needs to understand is that success is a mental transformation. It’s not an external event. To…be successful… you must first…know… exactly what you want to achieve. Second, you need to commit to the sacrifices that it will take to achieve your goal. And third, you must believe beyond any reasonable doubt that you will achieve your goals.

[Cut to shot of AV powdering his hands… Then his face looking red, sweaty]

To be able to reach for your goals with such a level of certainty and determination you need to be able to take care of the base first…

[Camera pans out. We see that AV is on a bench. Lifting weights! A concerned looking trainer stands behind him. A message on the screen says 140 pounds each].

…which is your physical conditioning.

[He lies back, takes the strain – and lifts!]

Failure can not be considered an option.

[He lifts! Lifts! Lifts!]

It has been my personal experience that your physical fitness reflects directly in your mental sharpness. And in the energy level that you have to take care of your tasks.

[He drops the weights]

If you train to provide your body with the level of energy and intensity it needs to pursue your tasks, you inadvertently train your mind too.

[Now he’s bench pressing – writing on screen says 405 lbs]

Always push your limits. Always push your comfort zone. And as you train to expand and step outside your comfort zone you come to realise that the things that most people regard as impossible are actually completely within your grasp.

[495 lbs!]

Many people believe that successful people are lucky. I completely disagree with that notion. Successful people think in very specific values that create opportunities for them which they can seize. An average observer thinks that that’s luck.

[A new scene. He’s ski-ing down a mountain. Text on screen says Olympic valley National Qualifier]

Luck doesn’t jump into anyone’s lap!

[The skier performs a jump, twists in the air]

Success requires persistence and perseverance, attention to detail and, of course, patience.

[He lands! The scene moves back to the interview chair, where he is smiling benignly]

People around you may tell you that you will not succeed. Ignore them!

[He’s now on the tennis court]

When I was little, I couldn’t run. So many tennis coaches said that I couldn’t play tennis. When I mastered that, they said: “yeeeahh, but he’s a big guy…”

[On the screen he’s punching the air, having just won a point]

“… and his reactions are terrible so he will never be a real player because he can’t serve and volley.” Hmmm.

[We see him serving. Text on the screen says 140mph. Lots of shots of volleying]

When people tell you that you won’t be able to achieve something, cross them out of your life, because they’re directly interfering with your success. Ignore the losers. Bring you’re A-game, your determination and your drive to the field and success will follow.

There’s another peculiar thing about success. Everything you do, you must pursue with your entire heart…

[Cut to Aleksey in a tightblack outfit, in a dance studio, spinning a scantily clad beauty on his arm]

… Live your life openly. Go all out for what you want to achieve and believe in. If you’re going to work – work. If you’re going to train – train. If you’re going to dance – dance. But do it with passion!

[Cheesy music plays – and he’s dancing – glasses off!]

While physical training might make you stronger, and mentally sharper, things like dancing will teach you how to pursue your goals with your entire heart.

[Back to interview chair]

When all this is said and done, we come back to one fundamental truth: Success is a mental phenomenon not a physical one. It must first be conceived internally before it manifests externally.

[Cut to him standing in a white karate robe, glasses still on, behind a tower of bricks. He bows.]

Behind the clarity of your goals determination, persistence, passion patience – lies one main tenet. Napolean Hill said it best: “What you can conceive and believe, you can achieve. You must first believe beyond any reasonable doubt that success is possible. Remember to achieve success you must first conceive it and believe it. Impossibility is just another term, another opinion. It should have no bearing on your success whatsoever.

Remember, impossible…

[On screen, he shouts and raises his hand]

…is nothing!

[The bricks are split! He bows. Titles play to dramatic music. Titles read Aleksey Vayner CEO and professional athlete.]


Leave a comment

Filed under Blogroll, Hired, Hubris, Uncategorized

“5 down, 1,000,000,000 left to go…”

In May 2001, Peter Chung, a priapic recent Princetone graduate and a new employee of the Carlyle Group in South Korea sent an email about his numerous recent conquests back in New York. The rest is internet history – as was the unfortunate Mr Chung who soon found himself looking for a new job.

So I’ve been in Korea for about a week and a half now and what can I say, LIFE IS GOOD….
I’ve got a spanking brand new 2000 sq. foot 3 bedroom apt. with a 200 sq. foot terrace running the entire length of my apartment with a view overlooking Korea’s main river and nightline……Why do I need 3 bedrooms? Good question,…. the main bedroom is for my queen size bed,…where CHUNG is going to fuck every hot chick in Korea over the next 2 years (5 down, 1,000,000,000 left to go)…. the second bedroom is for my harem of chickies, and the third bedroom is for all of you fuckers when you come out to visit my ass in Korea. I go out to Korea’s finest clubs, bars and lounges pretty much every other night on the weekdays and everyday on the weekends to (I think in about 2 months, after I learn a little bit of the buyside business I’ll probably go out every night on the weekdays). I know I was a stud in NYC but I pretty much get about, on average, 5-8 phone numbers a night and at least 3 hot chicks that say that they want to go home with me every night I go out. I love the buyside,…. I have bankers calling me everyday with opportunties and they pretty much cater to my every whim – you know (golfing events, lavish dinners, a night out clubbing). The guys I work with are also all chilll – I live in the same apt building as my VP and he drives me around in his Porsche (1 of 3 in all of Korea) to work and when we go out. What can I say,…. live is good,… CHUNG is KING of his domain here in Seoul…..

So,…. all of you fuckers better keep in touch and start making plans to come out and visit my ass ASAP, I’ll show you guys an unbelievable time….My contact info is below…. Oh, by the way,… someone’s gotta start fedexing me boxes of domes,…I brought out about 40 but I think I’ll run out of them by Saturday…..


Peter Chung
The Carlyle Group
Suite 1009, CCMM Bldg.

Leave a comment

Filed under Blogroll, Fired, hot-mails, Hubris