Office poetry

It’s quite surprising that this page exists.

I for one did not foresee that people would start sending poems about their office when this website was up…

…But they have…

…So here it is: The Office Poetry Page!

Who says work destroys creativity?

This first selection is from Victoria Sinclair:

False smiles

 

 

+++

 

 

I see them everywhere in the office

 

Especially at Human Resources

 

“Hello Sue, how are you?” (beam)

 

After they have just given you a right ear bashing

 

two hours earlier

 

It must be That Course they went on

 

How come, suddenly so chummy? Well,

 

I haven’t forgotten what she did to me that morning

 

 

Just

 

 

don’t expect

 

 

a smile from me

 

———–

 

Office Desk Move

 

 

+++

 

 

What is this supposed to achieve?

 

Can’t be productivity

 

If that is what they wanted

 

They move me to the desk

 

Next to my Boss

 

Where he watches my every move

 

Constantly telling me how to do my job

 

(his way is the only way)

 

 

Feel like

 

 

letting him

 

 

get on with it

 

 

himself

 

 

 

———–

 

In trouble for something serious

 

 

+++

 

 

 

I was called into the ‘little room’

 

About a ‘problem’

 

A serious problem

 

Life and Death?

 

No, but very close to that

 

You have not signed your name on the timesheet

 

No one told me about a timesheet

 

I have been away on holiday

 

Oh I am really sorry, I forgot to send you the email

 

 

Well, that was another fifteen minutes of

 

My working time

 

 

wasted

 

———–

 

Don’t bring your ‘troubles’ to work

 

 

+++

 

 

Sarah, I don’t care if you have just had

 

some bad news

 

Don’t expect an ounce of kindness from us

 

This is such inconvenience

 

 

Keep to your targets

 

Just get on with it

 

And if you reach them, only then

 

Will I, ‘consider’ letting you

 

go to hospital

 

And see your partner who

 

Just has died two hours ago

 

 

And don’t expect a sympathy card

 

From us either, just be grateful that

 

you are still employed

 

Oh, and make the time up

 

Tomorrow

 

 

You can go back to your desk now

 

———–

 

Tidy Desk Policy

 

 

+++

 

 

My desk has nothing on it now

 

Gone are my flowers

 

My photo of my partner

 

A drawing by my child, that makes me smile

 

 

I am here 40 hours a week

 

And it feels like years

 

Every moment drags

 

How can I motivate myself, and be productive

 

 

Just, who are these people who

 

Make up such stupid ideas?

 

———–

 

Prison is better than an Office

 

 

+++

 

 

In a prison, they have outgoing phone calls

 

and we can’t

 

 

In prison, they can speak to their friends,

 

and we can’t

 

 

They can get rid of their stress by doing some exercise

 

And we can’t

 

 

They can take a degree

 

And we can’t

 

 

And the lucky sods will be out in a few years

 

but we are counting them

 

 

At least we have Hope!

 

 

 

 

————

 

 

 

Christmas Party

 

 

+++

 

 

The last thing I do is go to the Christmas party;

 

It is the day when my boss ‘finds’ people to sack

 

It is ‘convenient’ for redundancy

 

And saves a lot of money

 

It doesn’t matter if an employee’s day is spoilt

 

 

But my boss

 

usually has a nice day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

White Fox General Insurance

 

——-

 

 

 

I’m going to do a runner

 

 

+++

 

 

Two days, I’ve been in this tedious office, ‘tis long enough

 

So, at lunchtime, I’ll go and remove my stuff

 

When the bosses are having another long lunch and the coast is clear

 

I’ll be well and truly outta here

 

But, there’s just one little thing

 

That supergrass, beside me, would tell the Boss

 

 

Everything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Office Bully

 

 

+++

 

 

A whole year went by

 

when she was nasty to me

 

She wouldn’t help me with my work

 

And was very abrupt

 

And made snide remarks

 

One day she wanted to thump me

 

(Her words not mine)

 

I was in tears such a lot

 

Took Time off for stress

 

Each day was hell

 

I think she was jealous

 

Because she was old

 

and I was young

 

Some kind of chip on her shoulder

 

Even now I really don’t understand why

 

Maybe she didn’t like being part of a team

 

Can’t believe some people

 

How low they can get

 

 

But I kept a diary

 

Every word I kept

 

Noting the witnesses

 

The company denied it at first

 

But I got the evidence

 

At last she was told off

 

Before she did the same to others

 

Now she is quiet as a mouse

 

And wouldn’t say boo to a goose

 

And there’s more good news

 

She is leaving

 

And with no job

 

I wish I had sympathy

 

But after all the trouble she gave me

 

I can’t say she will be missed

 

By …anyone!